You can arrange your own funeral by recording the most important choices now: burial or cremation, the music that will be played, the location of the farewell, the text and form of the memorial card and who you want to invite. None of this needs to be final, but the more concretely you write it down, the less your loved ones will have to guess later.
The beautiful thing is that you can make these choices at your own pace, separately from each other and without it immediately becoming a heavy conversation. One day you think of a song that always moves you, the next day you think of who you really don't want the invitation to be forgotten for. Together, those loose thoughts eventually form a complete picture of how you want to say goodbye.
Burial or cremation: a choice that brings peace
The first and often most difficult question is the one between burial and cremation. Some people have been certain about this their whole life, others hesitate and keep putting off the choice. That's exactly why it helps to write down your considerations, even if you haven't completely made up your mind yet. Note what appeals to you about each option and why, so that your loved ones see that there is a conscious weighing behind it, rather than having to decide something themselves at a time when there is no room for that.
This choice is not separate from other practical matters such as a possible insurance policy or the funeral home you have in mind. Those who want to record this kind of wishes in one place can do so at a place that is specially set up for recording your funeral wishes, so that everything is together instead of scattered across loose notes and conversations.
Music and atmosphere that suits you
Music often says more about who you were than a long text. Think of the song that played when people arrived, the song during the ceremony itself and perhaps something else when leaving. You don't need to make a complete playlist, although you can of course. One or two songs with a brief explanation of why they are important to you will already give your loved ones enough guidance to build the rest of the atmosphere around it.
Also think about smaller details that determine the atmosphere: flowers or preferably not, a certain colour, photos that may be shown. These are not big decisions, but together they make the difference between a farewell that feels like you, and one that is generic because no one knew better.
Location and form of the farewell
Do you want a ceremony in a hall, a church, outdoors in nature or just very small in a closed circle? Here too, writing down your preference already yields a lot, even if you don't yet know exactly which location it will be. Indicate whether you prefer a short, sober gathering or something more extensive with time for stories and memories. That tone is often more important to loved ones than the exact location.
If you have specific wishes about the form of the ceremony, such as who speaks or which rituals are important, it's smart to keep that together with your other funeral wishes in one place. This prevents a verbal agreement from years ago from being forgotten when it matters.
Memorial card and guest list prepared in advance
The design of the memorial card and the list of people who should be invited are part of the practical side of a funeral, but they often cost loved ones unnecessary time and stress. An address list that you compile now, complete with names and contact details of people who need to know, is a gift to whoever has to arrange everything later. Think of family, friends, former colleagues and associations where you were active.
For the memorial card itself, you can indicate what tone you find appropriate: sober and classic, or rather with colour and a personal photo. You don't need to make a definitive design, a few sentences about the style you have in mind is already enough guidance.
Who should know where this is recorded?
All these choices only have value if someone can find them in time. Don't keep your wishes only in your head or on a loose note, but in a place that is safe and where your trusted people know it exists. For documents and sensitive information you prefer to keep encrypted, you could consider a digital vault for important documents, so that only the people you designate can access it at the right moment.
Keep in mind that funeral wishes are different from a will. A will determines who inherits what and goes through a notary, while your funeral wishes are purely about the form of your goodbye. If you also want to arrange that side of things, you can get information about it via the page on drawing up a will with a notary.
Why settling things now pays off so much
The biggest advantage of arranging your funeral partly now is not that everything is perfectly fixed, but that your loved ones don't face impossible choices at a time when they have no room for them. They don't have to guess whether you would have preferred a church or a garden, or whether you liked calm piano music or something more exuberant. Every choice you fix is a burden that falls from their shoulders.
You can do this in small steps, spread over weeks or months, and later always add to or adjust it if you change your mind. Nothing has to be finished all at once.
Are you not yet familiar with how this works in practice? On the page that explains how you record wishes and messages on Bruidswarenhuis you can see in a few steps how simple it is to get started. You can start free today and at your own pace collect your funeral wishes, address list and other important choices in one safe place.